Who's Your Favorite?

Let’s be honest, everyone has their favorite students and those students that really get on your nerves. There are students that when they are absent you secretly cheer. That is totally understandable. Not everyone gets along perfectly, and not every student is going to be your favorite. Personalities do not always mesh, but you need to be the safe place in the storm for each and every student that enters your classroom. There must be a sense of empathy and trust (Karges-Bone, 2016). You cannot build this if students realize that you do not like them.

I am not going to lie, there are definitely students I have had that I dread seeing some mornings. Their personality quirks just irritate me, and I spend many hours venting to my husband about how they drive me crazy. That being said, as the teacher and adult, it is my job to make sure they never realize how much they bother me. The students that walk into my room deserve to feel loved and valued, not for any other reason than that they are fellow human beings.

This year I had the unique opportunity to loop. I moved up from 4th grade to 5th grade in the same school. I have many of the exact same students as I had last year, some by choice and some not. I did honestly want to have another year with certain students, and not all of them because they were allstar students. Some of my requested students were because I just wanted one more year to help them grow and learn to be the people I knew they could be.

Somehow, my students heard that I had been able to choose certain students for my class this year. It was so interesting to listen to them debate which students I must have requested because they just knew they were my favorite. The funniest part is that a few of the students that really drive me crazy, and that I honestly hoped would be in the other 5th grade class this year, were the most vehement that they were my favorite. Each and every student in my class is totally convinced that they are my favorite.

In order to really reach our students, and to help them feel safe and valued, they need to believe that they are our favorites. Do they actually have to be? Not at all, but the key is that they need to believe they are. Dr. Bone goes on to talk about the importance of relationship in her book, Rich Brain, Poor Brain. The only way to help students overcome trauma, and to really go beyond their current understanding of the world, is to build a relationship with them that is based on trust. They need to feel that their teacher cares about them and wants what is best for them. If they can sense that you don’t really like them, that connection will never happen.

You may be asking, “How do I make each student feel as if they are my favorite?” The first and best way is to greet them with a smile each time they enter your classroom. I know this seems simple, but it actually helps a great deal. I realize with COVID and masks, a smile may not be easy at this time. You may have to get creative. This year my class really enjoyed air high 5s. Each and every student can get an air high five when they enter my room. I also smile, and some of my students tell me that they can see my cheekbones move when I smile. Your overall body language is much happier when you smile and actually give the perception that you are happy even when they cannot see your mouth (Marmolejo-Ramos et al., 2020).

Another way to help students feel valued in your class is to try and understand what is going on in their life. My students regale me with tales of after school activities and personal hobbies. Once, I had a student fall asleep in class. Rather than start scolding, I asked what was going on. He told me that he had been unable to sleep due to a family issue. We ended up coming up with a plan that when he was extra tired, he could ask for a 10 minute nap in a quiet and predesignated space. That way he was not being a distraction in class by sleeping during the lesson.

All in all, you will need to find your own way through this maze. Each student is unique and will need unique responses from you to help them feel valued and appreciated. The point is that when they walk into your classroom, they need to feel as if you truly care about them and are glad that they are there. I realize this may take an adjustment on your part, and it may not be easy at times. It is just so important that if someone were to ask your students who your favorite student is, they would each reply, “Me!”

References

Karges-Bone, L. (2016). Rich brain, poor brain: bridging social and synaptic gaps in

schools. Lorenz.

Marmolejo-Ramos, F., Centre for Change and Complexity in Learning, Murata, A., Laboratories, N. T. T. C. S., Sasaki, K., Engineering, F. of S. and, … Yonemitsu. (2020, May 11). Your Face and Moves Seem Happier When I Smile. Experimental Psychology. https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/10.1027/1618-3169/a000470.