The Discouraging Encourager

We all know that person. The one who is great at thinking they are being encouraging, but in all reality they actually make everyone around them feel super discouraged. Their words of praise feel empty and trite. Their push to help you make it forward actually makes you want to quit. This person wants so desperately to encourage others, but their words and actions have the exact opposite result. So the question becomes, “How can my encouraging words actually encourage those around me?” In my last post, (which was, regrettably, a few weeks ago) I talked about climbing a mountain. I then promised to talk with you about how to encourage others to climb their mountains. Let’s look at what that means.

First things first, be authentic. Don’t just say things that you don’t mean in the interest of being encouraging. People can sense when you really don’t believe what you are saying and it will make your words of encouragement actually feel to them as if you are lying to them. If you can not really find it within yourself to be encouraging and mean it, then it is better to remain silent.

Second, make your words meaningful. When trying to encourage someone, think of what you can say that actually tells them how they can keep moving forward. For example, some very well meaning people kept telling me that the top of the mountain was just around the next corner. That happened right before at least 4 different corners. If I had taken their faulty, but well meaning, encouragement to heart, I would have given up before making it to the top. Instead, they could have told me that I have already climbed further than it would take to reach the top. That would have helped me see that I have already accomplished a great deal and need only hold out a little longer. The same message, but much more meaningful in the end.

Thirdly, offer support as appropriate. When my husband saw me struggling, he would wait with me while I caught my breath. He would then hold my hand to help me steady myself on some of the more tricky paths. There were also times he would go a little ways ahead to help me know which foot holds would offer the most stability. Each of these were a form of support that helped me feel encouraged as I attempted to climb a mountain unlike anything I had ever climbed before.

When encouraging your students and/or colleagues, these encouragement strategies will help you ensure that your help is actually helpful. I challenge you to pick one person, either student or colleague, and identify ways that you can encourage them in a struggle that they are facing right now. (If it is a colleague, make sure it is a struggle that you have the right to speak into, and isn’t just the gossip chain at work.) Do your best to figure out how to encourage them in authentic, meaningful, and supportive ways.