Melt Down, Build Up

So, your student is having a melt down. They just told half the class where they can get off to, and they used language that your favorite sailor wouldn’t use. You just dodged a flying snack box, and there is now food all over the floor. Some of your students are cheering the melt down and encouraging the student to go further. Some of your students are looking at you, terrified and hoping you will fix this. So far, the student has not threatened anyone, and does not seem intent to harm anyone, they are just so very angry. What happens next?

Let me start by saying, this particular event is fictional, but contains elements from other events I have faced. I have seen many meltdowns, although they are getting fewer and much farther in between, thankfully. If you have taken the time to get to know your students, you can often predict and or prevent these meltdowns from happening. Hopefully they can all be prevented; but if not, there are a few things that you can do to help deescalate the situation.

First and foremost, stay calm (Brooks, 2015). This may be difficult for some situations, but this one thing is your most important deescalation tool. When you respond in anger or agitation, it will escalate the student even more. Keeping your cool also helps you think through your responses and gives you the best chance for a positive outcome. Remember, tantrums are emotional responses (Miller, 2020) and often show a lack of ability to respond to stress in appropriate ways. You as the adult must model the calm response to stress that the student needs to learn.

Second, ensure that everyone is able to be safe. As the adult in the room you need to do your best to ensure the safety of all present. If that means removing the student who is melting down, do so safely. It might mean asking the other students to step out of the room. Essentially, you will need to remain calm, assess the situation, and make the best choice to ensure that everyone present is safe. Just make sure that you do not leave the student alone. When a student's emotions are elevated in such a way, the worst thing you can do is leave them alone and unsupervised.

Next, reach out for help from your administrator and/or counselor. You will need another adult to help ensure that all students remain safe and supervised. While they are enroute, just keep an ear open for your other students while staying with the emotionally elevated student. The student in distress needs you most, so if you need to, ask the teacher whose room is closest to you to help out while you are waiting for your administrator or counselor to assist.

While the student is elevated, they may or may not wish to talk. Either way, just sit with them, or stand by them, and be ready to do a very important job, listen (Brooks, 2015). A student who is emotionally elevated does not need you to lecture or offer advice. That is for a later time. These students need a calm presence and a listening ear when they are ready to talk. By being calm and near, you give the student security and safety while they process their escalated emotions. This will give them time to deescalate and be ready to discuss and process.

When the student has calmed down, someone needs to talk with them in a non-judgemental way about what happened. Don’t avoid the discussion because this discussion time is how the student will learn from this moment and hopefully do better at self-regulation in the future. The key to these discussions is being non-judgemental and instead help the student problem solve. Ask questions and help the student recognize the triggers and feelings leading up to the moment of meltdown. In the book Lost at School, Dr. Greene talks about creating a plan collaboratively with the student (Greene, 2014). This gives the students tools for overcoming challenging moments in the future and gives them a sense of control.

These moments can be stressful and very challenging. Don’t give up on yourself or your students when these meltdowns happen. It may take a while for the student to learn how to cope with stressful moments and emotions in positive ways. It may take time for you to learn how to help them through these moments as well. All in all, keep in mind the power of the word...yet. I have not mastered this...yet. They haven’t learned to self-regulate...yet. With consistency and perseverance, you both will get through these moments and be so proud of all that gets accomplished.

References:

Brooks, A. (2015, September 14). 10 tactics for dealing with tantrums in the classroom. Retrieved April 12, 2021, from https://www.rasmussen.edu/degrees/education/blog/dealing-with-tantrums-in-the-classroom/

Greene, R. W. (2014). Lost at school: why our kids with behavioral challenges are falling through the cracks and how we can help them. Scribner.

Miller, C. (Ed.). (2020, December 03). How to handle tantrums and meltdowns. Retrieved April 12, 2021, from https://childmind.org/article/how-to-handle-tantrums-and-meltdowns/